Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
