I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
