whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
