OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
