He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm just crazy horny about you
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
