take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
