He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
