if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You took a bar mat shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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