Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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