Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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