so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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