This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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