You just made me feel so damn special
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
