i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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