my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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