I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
