ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
