you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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