I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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