I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
