omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
