I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
