FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
