It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
