Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
