Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
