Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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