Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
