Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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