I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
