____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
