since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
did i walk over a car last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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