i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
