why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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