chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
