But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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