this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
