I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
