everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
