hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
