He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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