Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
