no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
