i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
