His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
