mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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