and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
