its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
pray to the hookup gods
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
