Do you still have your period?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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