the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
