Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
