Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
