ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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