i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize