You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
