I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
