Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
