great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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