i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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