Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
