there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
