i think i have two assholes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
