I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
