Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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