you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love