I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
