; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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