i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
