what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize